Why?

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How did this happen? Just two hours ago she was cradling that precious, baby girl in the nook of her arm. She had felt the baby's heart beating in her little chest circulating the blood throughout her body. She had watched her tiny chest rise and fall in quick rhythmic patterns as oxygen entered into her body giving her life. Now her arms were empty and cold. No little body there keeping her arms warm. No cries or whimpers indicating that the mother was needed to feed, change, hold, and love her. Just silence. A silence that was dreadfully eerie. It was so quiet in this life sucked house, that she could actually hear her heart breaking piece by piece. She could hear the expectations and dreams she had of mothering this little child whooshing out the window. Her own sobs were the only thing that made sound and by this time she was immune to her own sound. No longer would she be able to teach her child how to tie her shoe or to read a book. She wouldn't ever be able to sing her child to sleep nor would she be able to braid her hair and put her in darling dresses. Instead the shoes and dresses would remain in an unused closet as an ever daunting reminder that she was gone and wasn't coming back. There would be no ball games, dance recitals, piano lessons, giggling sleep overs, painted nails. No first date, first kiss, first love. As a result there would be no wedding, no grandchildren, no career. Instead there would be a tombstone in a dreary graveyard surrounded by other children who never got to experience life as long as they deserved. Oh what she she would give to have the tables turned! Why did it have to be her innocent newborn?! She was the one that had made stupid decisions in life, broken other's hearts, lied, cheated, sinned; not this child. Why deprive her of a happy life?! It just wasn't fair, and with a sigh she realized it never would be fair.

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There are plenty of people out there that are having to bury their tiny children. Children that haven't had time to "be a kid" nor have time to grow up and truly experience life. It is an extremely depressing thing and I am watching people around me as they sit in hospital rooms with their children strung up to machines that were keeping them alive, but at the

same time detained. It is a heart breaking scene to see a child ill and/or dying in a hospital room and it makes me sick as I see the parents and family loose hope day after day as the child becomes increasingly sick. I wish that no body had to go though this but unfortunately it is part of life. Fair or not, it is life. And although it seems like the world is ending and there is no

point, we all have to continue to trudge on because we are still here. We are living for them since

they couldn't stay with us long. We can't waste our ability to live because it is a gift. Sometimes it feels like a blessing, and other times a curse. Either way it is a gift and a duty. We can still mourn but that mourning only has a small time to exist throughout the days and then we must remember our goals and the things that we must accomplish and keep those lost ones with us in our hearts. We'll never forget them and they will never forget us and we WILL be reunited with them again. It may seem forever away, but the wait will be well worth it in the end.

Change

I love long hair and as a result of this love I have always had long hair. It may sound pathetic, but long hair is part of who I am. My dearest elder siblings, when I was young, would always tease me about my hair and would say that during the night while I was sleeping they were going to sneak in and cut it off. These threats always scared me silly, for you see I have no lock on my bedroom door. So as bed time approached I would cower under the blankets praying that they would have a heart and wouldn't take away my luscious locks.

(I just had to use that phrase!) As is turns out they never took a pair of scissors to my beloved hair because they knew that they would get into huge trouble with our lovely mother. So thanks to my mom for the past 18 years I have been

able to keep my long

hair.

However this month things changed. As I went about through my days this past month, I kept on running into charity's trying to get money for children in need. I donated money to a hospital at a gas station, donated money to a fund to help buy books for children, and also donated to a charity for helping find the cure for cancer. Then somebody brought up Locks of Love....

(I bet you can guess where this is going...)

Well long story short I have always wanted to donate my hair but couldn't stand to part with it. Finally the guilt of being selfish with keeping my long hair while there were children who were diagnosed with diseases that inhibited hair growth were wishing that they had any hair at all got to me. As I looked at the website and saw these children I decided to... *gulp* donate one of the things that I love deeply in my life, yup you guessed it, my lovely locks...

I called my cousin and told her of my plan. She asked when I wanted to do it and as I looked at my planner I said "Never." She laughed and said "How about Thursday?" I replied "Okay what time?"

It would be a lie if I said that my heart didn't sink as I heard and felt the scissors chop off 13 inches of my "long beautiful hair." But when the sadness started to engulf me I just kept on thinking about that little girl that would appreciate my hair much more than I ever could and suddenly, it didn't matter anymore.

Sure sometimes I get frustrated in the mornings when I am running late and can't just

throw my hair up real quick, but in the end it was SO worth it. Plus my hair grows quick. Give it 6 months and it will be pretty much right back where it was before I cut it off and sent it on it's merry little way to Locks of Love.

Now here is the snapshot that was inspired by these events...

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"Hmm... "she thought. "That's strange. Usually they just tell me my blood results over the phone. I wonder why I have to go in? Oh you know what they probably just need to ask some follow up questions, or maybe they lost my insurance information. Yeah that's probably all it is, something with the insurance. Nothing big. I probably just have a virus that they need to give me medicine for and in a week or two I'll be back to normal and while I'm in they'll just get my insurance information. Yeah, nothing to worry about. No biggie. Right?" As she stopped by the doctor's office on her way to work her heart started to pound loudly. She was sure that the people she was passing on the sidewalk could hear it. She opened the door and it made a much too cheerful "ding" to greet her. She signed in quickly at the front desk and within minutes her name was being called. As she walked back to a room where she would be meeting with her primary physician she couldn't help but wonder why they hadn't asked about her insurance. Maybe there was something wrong after all. What could it be?! Her hands started to sweat and she couldn't help the fidgeting as she awaited the doctors arrival. Disease after disease started going through her head. Was something seriously wrong with her? Was that why they had called her to come back in? As the doctor greeted her, her suspicions were confirmed. There was definitely something majorly wrong. He had a dark, gloomy cloud over his head and she knew that the words he was about to say were not going to be as simple as she had expected. This wasn't just a little virus. He opened his month and with dread he voiced the results of her tests. "I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid you have cancer." Her world crashed down on her as all of her goals and ideals for her life rushed out of reality into a world that she could only accomplish them in called "fantasy." Her eyes started leaking and a few sobs escaped her mouth. She took a deep breath, told herself that this was neither the time or the place and slowly lifted her eyes to meet her doctor's. She needed to be strong, she needed to stare at this new enemy named "cancer" and show him who was boss. A look of determination took over her and she asked

"So where do we go from here?"

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For any of you out there that are fighting cancer or some other life threatening disease, remember that you are loved and keep strong because "you're the man!" (or woman)

Don't give up!!!

A Sunday at Grandma's

Hi I'm Hannah and this is, well, my blog.
First off let me say "Hey thanks for checking out my blog!" Second off let me explain to you why I decided to create this blog and why it is named the way it is.

(This was the most recent picture of only me... )

Well I am a very picture oriented person. I am a visual learner and as a result teach using lots of visuals as well. I love looking at pictures and I love those amazing photographers out there that really capture the essence of certain events in just one little click of a button. I also love writing. I always have, and it has always come rather easily to me. Why does this have anything to do with me starting a blog? Well you see (catch the pun?) I go through my daily activities and as I do there are constantly little snapshots that I take in my head. However these aren't always actual photographs of people but rather "snapshots" used in writing. If you have never heard of snapshot writing before let me enlighten you. Back in the day as I sat at my desk in a stuffy classroom filled with way too many students, my wonderful English teacher (and I'm not just saying that because she was my mom...) gave us an assignment which was totally typical since she gave a tremendous amount of homework. As I half list end to the instructions and half counted down the seconds before the bell would ring sending me to my last class of the day, I caught the basics of the homework due the next day. Pick three moments in your life and for each one in 150 words or less write the scene. We were supposed to use a large amount of details so that the reader could visualize the scene and see that brief moment. Later that day as I started to work on the assignment I realized that it was actually... fun. I loved it and I was pretty darn proud of my little snapshots. Since that assignment sometimes as I see certain things happening I start to write snapshots in my mind. Seeing as my head is getting way to cluttered with these snapshots I have decided to share them with whom ever wants to read them. SO here we are at 11:00 p.m. creating a blog when i should be getting ready for bed since I have class tomorrow.... Now without any further ado, here is my first snapshot.

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Curls bouncing as she jumps up and down excitedly she enters into the house. As she enters her nose is filled with the scent of homemade chocolate chip cookies. She squeals as she is tackled by her uncle who immediately starts tickling her. She smiles and divides her love enough to give each aunt, uncle, and grandparent a swift kiss. After the last kiss is given she gestures eagerly at the bucket of toys at the other end of the room. She basically waddles as she tries to walk quickly with her slightly un-proportionate body to the overflowing bucket of a child's dream. As soon as she is in close enough proximity to the metal can she grasps the edge and pulls it towards her, resulting in making a more than small mess on grandma's clean living room floor. Thankfully her family knows that a kid is just a kid and needs to be messy to develop correctly, they watch and mingle as she plays and plays until her tummy sends the signal to her baby brain saying "Time to eat!" At the dinner table she sits in a chair that is way to large for her and folds her arms for the prayer. She eats quickly and then as soon as her stomach is satisfied she jets off to have another grand adventure. Happy as can be she plays with her aunts, uncles, and grandparents all the while showing off how cute and intelligent she is. As the hours slip away and her bedtime starts to hover over her tired little body, she sadly puts her Dora flip flops on and heads towards the door. She is too upset to give kisses good bye but manages to muster up the strength to blow a kiss from the door way before exiting the home. Although she was slightly bitter with her parents for making her leave, all is forgotten as she starts to doze off in her car seat dreaming of what new experiences she'll have next Sunday.

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(My inspiration: Rachel Michelle)

Yes she came into my room to steal my Teddy Grahams, and there I Was thinking that she loved me and wanted to spend time with me! However as payment for the cookies she drew me a picture and gave me a chocolately kiss. Yummy....

I know that this is longer than 150 words and most of my snapshots will be. I don't enjoy putting limits on my snapshots, so I don't.... Oh and although this particular snapshot was based off of my little niece and our family gatherings each Sunday,some of my snap shots will be totally random...

If you have any events that have happened to you that you would like to become a snapshot just let me know. I'm always up for ideas to go off of! I hope you enjoyed this post, I will most definitely write more!